HUMOR, MOTIVATIONAL

My Fat Game is Real and Some Butts Are Hail Damaged

How I balance my weight loss with Girl Scout cookies

old doctor scale to weigh, check weight gain, fat
Photo by Ronit Shaked on Unsplash

At the doctor’s office today, I was congratulated for a three-and-a-half-pound weight loss.
Apparently, two pounds were fat, one pound was water weight. Naturally, when I got back home, I ate an entire box of Girl Scout cookies.

Life’s all about balance

I blame the Girl Scouts for my failure to maintain victory over my jiggly butt. Whoever oversees their marketing department is amazing! Cute kids holding boxes of the best cookies in the universe are impossible to resist.

Of course, I bought them from a co-worker, but that’s neither here nor there. Same cookies.

I’ve had an “on again, off again” relationship with fat all my life, or at least since I hit puberty.

At my age, it’s even harder to maintain the “off again” side of that romance.

And hail damage.

Speaking of butts, a man told me recently that women my age suffer from “hail damage” more often than not on their backsides. I find myself trying to look in the mirror to see how bad the storm was, and if I should be declared totaled or not. Maybe there’s compensation.

I used to be consumed with the fat game, and the more I thought about losing weight, the fatter I got.

It’s hard not to eat when all you can think about is being deprived of food.

Some people get bent out of shape when you call an unhealthily overweight person “fat,” but since I’m referring to myself, there’s no cause for offense. I know who I am and who I’ve been, and none of it was determined by my body size.

For the sake of vanity, I will go ahead and say I’m not fat now. I would like to lose a few pounds, but it’s not vital to my self-esteem. Sadly, it has been before, and for some people it still is. Both women and men tend to confuse body size with self-worth. They hate themselves because of their weight. I’ve been that person.

Social stigma, fat jokes, and well-meaning comments from others can also lead to feelings of helplessness and self-hate. The inside of a person is not determined by what you see on the outside, but it’s an easy mistake to make.

We all have things about us that aren’t perfect, whether we admit it or not. Maybe it’s hail damage, or maybe one foot is longer than the other. Maybe your mouth is a little too wide or your nose too long.

Maybe the gravity that comes with age is taking its toll and you aren’t being as graceful about it as you’d like to be.

I know there are things about me that I consider less than ideal. Maybe I don’t have the hail-damage (and maybe I do, I’m not telling), but I’m pretty sure my boobs used to be at least a little bit higher up than they are now.

A few other body parts aren’t doing their jobs like they should either. Things pop and crack like bubble wrap.

It’s possible I enjoy a little too much ice cream and the occasional entire box of Girl Scout cookies (at least once a year).

But what would life be if you couldn’t indulge every now and then?

Tomorrow, I’ll get back on the low carb lifestyle, and I’ll keep working out so I can try to develop a Jennifer Lopez butt and lift my decades old boobs.

Maybe next time I have a reason to go back to the doctor, she’ll tell me I lost a few more pounds so I can balance my life with a few more cookies.

Check this out if you’ve ever struggled with a food addiction or just like to eat a little too much.

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You can find information about women and body image here.

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