The bad news is that I’ve failed at multiple relationships, so you might not think I have any relationship advice worth taking. But that’s just it! Who would be better at knowing what NOT TO DO than I would? Also, I have a few tips on what TO DO.
I’ve read the best way to get over a heartbreak is to just jump back in the game, but I’m not sure
that’s true.
Having tried just about every possible method of erasing a deep hurt from my heart, I would put getting into a new relationship as last on my list of ways to cope. The reason I’m convinced of this is because it means you never really deal with the hurt — kind of just push it aside like it doesn’t exist. And ignoring something doesn’t make it go away, whether you acknowledge it or not.
I get that you probably don’t want relationship advice from a multi-time-loser, but…..
Studying narcissistic behavior when I got my heart destroyed by someone, I found out he wasn’t as much of a narcissist as he was a jerk. I also discovered that I had been in relationships with narcissists all my life, and I didn’t realize it. Definitely will be sharing what I’ve learned about narcissism further down the road.
For now, I’ll just say it’s a shame when the pool you’re drawing from only has one kind of person, and that person is destined to hurt you and you don’t have enough sense than to just let them do it.
So here I am now.
Almost a year since I was devastated, and I’ve put a rare few words on paper since. Before that, I was writing every day, so much that I couldn’t keep up with myself. And what have I learned in that year? Here are a few things I’d like to offer up as relationship advice. Keep in mind that if you choose to believe any of this, you’re listening to a person who has never had one successful romantic relationship in the history of ever.
Still.
Here it is, my best list of relationship advice, at least for the moment.
- Like I said at the beginning, jumping into a new relationship is not your best plan. Give yourself time to grieve the loss and to find out who you are now. You won’t be the same person you were when you entered the doomed relationship. If you’re lucky, you’ll be better off instead of completely destroyed.
- And on that note, make a list of all the good things about the broken relationship. It probably wasn’t all bad. What did you learn about yourself, and who you are? What did you find out that you will never tolerate again? These are good things to know, and worthy of being on a list.
- Don’t compare. Just in case you did jump into another relationship — don’t have a mental chart where you check off what he/she/they might be better at or lacking in as compared to your last relationship. Let all that old stuff go.
- Give it to God. Look, you matter. Your heart matters, whether it was carelessly discarded by some thoughtless person or not. You need comfort and love that only God can give you. That emptiness can be filled by Him — let it be. You will never regret trusting Him with your heart and your life. He will never discard you.
- Spend some time alone. You need to sort yourself out. No one can do that for you.
- Learn from your mistakes. Don’t choose the same type of person over and over again and expect a different outcome.
- Don’t be afraid to love again. You are only truly alive if you love. There aren’t any guarantees that you won’t get your heart broken again, but if there was no sorrow, there could also be no joy. Give it everything you have and if it all goes to hell, at least you will know you did all you could do.
- Recognize that you are enough. The fact that someone else found you lacking doesn’t mean YOU aren’t enough. Sure, we all have things that we need to change. Work on those things but know that you are worthy to be loved.
- Breathe. Dance. Run. Live. Love. Do everything you possibly can to live this life in the fullest way possible. Embrace the moments. Eat the cake, wear the clothes, use the china. Take the chances. Realize how extraordinary it is that you are alive right now, in this moment! You can do anything you choose to do. You may have gone to bed broken, but you woke up alive!
- Lastly, use your story to help others. Always. You aren’t the only person who has ever been devastated by the loss of a relationship. Someone needs to know they can make it through the pain.
And here’s a bonus:
After you’ve done all of that, if someone’s been trying to get your attention, NOTICE! Then maybe send them a text. A new world could be opened up with something as simple as a “Hey.”
